We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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