Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
