Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
