Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
