i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
