oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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