I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
