Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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