Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I am naked and annoyed.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
