He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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