I'm lost and stupid without you.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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