Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
