I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
