1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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