I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
