Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize