hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
