Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
