Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
