Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize