So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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