I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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