im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
