Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
