I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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