That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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