Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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