i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
