am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
