I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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