I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
