You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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