Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
