she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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