I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
