I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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