i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
