I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
