I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Can I color on your dick again?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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