i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
