your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
