it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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