Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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