Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize