Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There was a lot of him and a little penis
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
