we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
