look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize