she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
