I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
