Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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