My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
too bad you live with your parents still
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize