Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
