I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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