I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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