I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
