You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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