the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize