I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
