my mouth tastes like poor choices
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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