The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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