wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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