I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
