There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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