I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
