just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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