ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
