shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
